March 24, 2015 choices

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 ‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.’ (‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5-6‬ NLT)

Ya’ll, life gets tough. It may look like lollipops and rainbows from the outside, but inside, well – reality gets brutal.

Anymore, I fight this sense of hate. 

I hate our broken healthcare system, 

hate Alzheimer’s, 

hate being helpless, 

hate Humana, 

hate bedsores, 

hate chronic pain,

hate crying all the way home, 

hate it that I hate it, 

hate being hated on, 

hate feeling guilty when I’m home because I’m not at the hospital or nursing home and feeling guilty when I’m at the health care place cause I’m not home being a mom, 

hate leaving work because I’m taking leave – again. 

Hate having this pity party.  Hate watching my people deal with this strange emotional tsunami. 

But, what I hate most is this stupid, peace-stealing fear – waking at 3AM wondering if he is 

in pain, 

or cold, 

or looking for us, 

or scared, 

or trying to get up by himself,

or falling off his bed, 

or calling for us,

or wondering with relentless rounds of questions – “where is this place?”,  “how did we get here?”, “did a car hit us?”, “what will we have to do next?” 

I’m worn. 

Sunday, I got to steal an hour with my mom. She and dad are living, breathing reminders of what it is to pour their lives out for others, full of joy, full of life even if it is at a tad-notch slower pace, even through their own raw season of loss; they keep overflowing with being a blessing to others in spite of life’s imperfections.

They remind me to love, at all costs. Simply love. That’s all.

I am recharged and ready to take on the next day’s demons. Thanks for the refuel, mom – for modeling how to “trust my Maker, seek Him, follow hard.”

-thanks for the kick in the seat to get back out there and to stay in the fight. 

I. am. blessed.

Your will, Lord. 

Nothing more. 

Nothing less. 

Nothing else. 

Wake up. 

Get back out there. 

Follow hard. 

Go. 

http://www.lewis3sunz.com  

Follow me on Twitter @lewis3sunz

About lewis3sunz

I am a blessed woman. Wife, daughter, mother of 3sunz, sister, author of 'Spirit Move Me: Memos to you that sway with the Holy Spirit', Jesus loving Oklahoma girl, I love exploring truth, early morning is my favorite time of day, teacher/trainer, lover of books and news and fascinated with butterflies, extreme right brained pondering creature; enjoy helping others find meaning, tap into their own inspiration and intuition to work more effectively, and overcome struggles and the rising and falling of life in the everyday grind and in small business/micro business worlds. Blessed with the crazy notion, the wild-eyed foolishness, and the madcap belief in the simple idea that I might help one to make a decision that makes a difference in the world . . . as stated by Ralph Waldo Emerson’s famous quote…“To know one life breathed easier because you lived, this is to have succeeded.” I get to use my small business background as a former owner of a Flower Shop and Hallmark Store and former co-owner of Disability Specialists, LLC, to help folks build dreams. I hold a M.Ed with emphasis on Adult Training and Education. I’d love to get my Doctorate in Educational Leadership . . . someday. My work centers on the belief that inside each of us lives a mesmerizing soul waiting to be revealed. Every day we can choose to trust the magic of our calling and take those unconventional moves to unlock an enchanted journey. I serve as Business and Industry Director and Business Development Services Coordinator at Canadian Valley Technology Center in Chickasha, Oklahoma.

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