‘Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.’ (Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT)
Ya’ll, life gets tough. It may look like lollipops and rainbows from the outside, but inside, well – reality gets brutal.
Anymore, I fight this sense of hate.
I hate our broken healthcare system,
hate being helpless,
hate chronic pain,
hate crying all the way home,
hate it that I hate it,
hate being hated on,
hate feeling guilty when I’m home because I’m not at the hospital or nursing home and feeling guilty when I’m at the health care place cause I’m not home being a mom,
hate leaving work because I’m taking leave – again.
Hate having this pity party. Hate watching my people deal with this strange emotional tsunami.
But, what I hate most is this stupid, peace-stealing fear – waking at 3AM wondering if he is
or looking for us,
or trying to get up by himself,
or falling off his bed,
or calling for us,
or wondering with relentless rounds of questions – “where is this place?”, “how did we get here?”, “did a car hit us?”, “what will we have to do next?”
Sunday, I got to steal an hour with my mom. She and dad are living, breathing reminders of what it is to pour their lives out for others, full of joy, full of life even if it is at a tad-notch slower pace, even through their own raw season of loss; they keep overflowing with being a blessing to others in spite of life’s imperfections.
They remind me to love, at all costs. Simply love. That’s all.
I am recharged and ready to take on the next day’s demons. Thanks for the refuel, mom – for modeling how to “trust my Maker, seek Him, follow hard.”
-thanks for the kick in the seat to get back out there and to stay in the fight.
I. am. blessed.
Your will, Lord.
Get back out there.
Follow me on Twitter @lewis3sunz